Curtis' Bachelorette Recap: Week 10

posted by Curtis - 

I was going to try to get out of having to recap this reunion of the guys who got dumped thingy but I was told that I still had to watch this one, so here goes! 

Tonight is brought to you by Stone IPA!


Ok, time to press play on this bull-nonsense. They're doing the thing where they basically show literally all of the best moments that are going to happen on the show before the thing even airs. Ugh! From the looks of it this is going to be like the male version of what they do when they have Real Housewives reunions but like with more man tears I guess?

They're showing a preview for whatever Bachelor in Paradise is and I really really hope that I'm not expected to watch this because I don't know if I can deal with it.

LOLOL! They just showed a scene of some girl talking about she's "back in paradise where she had her first orgasm." OK! I'm not gonna lie, that line might get me to watch. 

Hahaha Venture Capitalist/Chicken! 

I'm already 15 minutes into this and so far they've done nothing but shill their next show and show old footage from this season. This is gonna be trying for my nerves I can already tell.

OMG! This is gonna be one of those things where the audience claps for every little comment that gets said. I'm not going to make it y'all. This is like Bachelorette: Jerry Springer style! 

So cologne guy is getting lit up right now for doing the thing where he told Becca he loved her and then took it back. Colton tried to call dude out but he got put on the spot for being a virgin so I can see Colton is going to keep getting dinged for that. It's gonna be a rough night for him. 

Colton is cussing an awful lot here. He's big mad all of a sudden.

Chris Harrison throws it to commercial and then makes this face and I can't tell if he's contemplating the life choices that's gotten him to this moment or if he's just drunk, either way Chris, we feeling the same way.

Some guy who apparently got eliminated on the first episode is trying to throw shots at Model Jordan but I'm not gonna lie, Jordan is clowning these guys! 


Oh Lawd! Jordon apparently wore the famous golden draws to this reunion show. Siiiiigh. This is all so gross.

They're about to talk to some dude known as Grocery Joe who got voted off on the first day, I have no recollection of him but apparently he's a big deal in Bachelorette fandom. I'm out of the loop on this one and it's probably better off this way. 

This Joe guy has big teeth. 

Chris Harrison just shortened the word ensemble to "on-sahm" and it's really affecting my way of living at this current moment. 

So far most of this show has just been showing old clips of stuff that I've already seen. Can someone tell me the point of this?

Awww. Colton is in the seat right now about to cry because people give him crap about being a virgin and now I gotta feel bad for him. I resent him for this.

Jason is in the hot seat and he's already crying. My understanding is that Becca is making an appearance to this reunion thing, I feel like having all of these exes here, some of whom are legit into her, is a special kind of torture. 

Jason is really out here being mature and stuff and asking to be friends with Becca and I'm just over here like I could never do that. I feel like you should banish your exes like they're vengeful spirits but I'm probably not the template on how relationships are supposed to work. 


Oh snap! Chris Harrison opened up the floor for someone to come up and say something bad about Becca so now Jean Cologne done got his ass onstage. Oh boo! He's not saying anything bad, he's just apologizing for the whole taking back his "I love you" thing. 

Chris is now apologizing to Becca for being a creepy stalker weirdo and losing his mind. So I guess partly this reunion show is to let everyone who did crappy things get a chance to say sorry.

LOL he brought back the choir from episode one to apologize for him, ok that's pretty funny. 

Ooooo we get bloopers now?

They just showed a blooper of Jason busting his ass on the snow and that's why I hate snow!!!

OMG! DID CHRIS HARRISON JUST SAY THAT NEXT WEEK'S FINALE IS 3 HOURS??? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

Whatever, I guess I'll deal with this problem next week. Here's a preview of what we can look forward to in the finale. (FINALLY!!!)

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