Curtis' Bachelorette Recap: Week 8

Today's recap is sponsored by a nice 6-pack of Modelo Especial.

It's hometowns tonight, which I guess means that Becca gets to go get accosted by all of the remaining guys' parents. At least that's what I hope it means.

So we're kicking things off in Garret's hometown of Manteca, Ca, which looks like it's a place that has boredom as it's natural export.

They are now making out on a tractor because I guess this show wants me to get the vomiting out of the way early tonight.

Garret was previously married and it's a point of contention for the rest of his family so now people are boo hooing all over the damn place acting like Becca might be a potential succubus or something. The dramatics are too much for me right now.

Ugh! Garret's family is way too nice. Who has that family that's going to be crazy mad to be on a reality show? That's the kind of drama I'm looking for. All of this lovey dovey stuff is wack!

Ok so now we're in Buffalo, NY which is Jason's hometown. First thing Becca does is runs up and makes out with him so needless to say with all of this damn kissing, I'm already on my second bottle of Modelo.

OK OK! Jason put Becca's ass in a Buffulo eating wing contest. I'm not mad at that kind of date. Although I'm judging her cus she barely ate any of those wings. That's extremely suspect. I'm pretty sure it says in the bible "thou shall not trust a woman who doesn't finish her plate of wings." I think that's in the book of Revelation or something...

Why do they play Disney fairy tale sounding music every time Becca is making out with someone? I keep expecting butterflys and stuff to show up out of nowhere.

Jason's mom seems to realize that Becca probably doesn't like him as much as she likes the other guys. 

Jason just told Becca he loves her and now they're busting slob on his parents' porch.

Next up, we're in someplace called Bailey, Co and I guess this is where Boring Blake lives. Ugh! Let's see what this ho is about to do. Already it's snowing in this location so I don't like it.

Blake is taking Becca to his old high school. 

Apparently there was a school shooting at this school. Wow! That's intense.

Blake surprises Becca in the auditorium with a concert from someone named Betty Who and they're really trying to convince us that A: Becca knows who this person is and B: that Becca is a "HUGE" fan of her music. They need to stop!

OK, now we're in Colton's home town of Parker, Co.  Alright Corny Colton, I need you to come through with something interesting here because the rest of these guys have been suuuuuper boring.

Oooo, he's bringing Becca to a children's hospital. Smooth move dude. Hard to hate on a guy who cares about sick kids. 

Wow, Colton looks just like his dad.

Dad is not having any of the B.S. and I'm all about it.

Daddy Colton is drilling Becca about her ex, Ari. This guy is going full on interrogator.

Eeeew Colton is having the virginity talk with his mom. 

I really hope someone gets eliminated at the end of this episode because I feel like there's going to be tears.

They keep bringing up something called fantasy suites... Is that like a thing where everyone gets to take a turn with Becca to see who she's most "compatible" with? Cus if it is that's kinda messed up.

Whoop plot twist. Becca is hanging out with her friends and stuff, including the one that once dated Colton. And now the one that dated Colton is just admitting that she still has feelings for Colton and that she's basically jealous of Becca. How is she gonna wait until the last minute to bring this up?

LMAO! Right before the elimination ceremony, Colton basically asked the host dude if he's going to be expected to get it on with Becca. I probably shouldn't be laughing so hard and yet I am.

So Blake and Jason got the first two roses, there's only one left, I know this cus the host did his obligatory useless letting us know that it's the final rose thing even though we can all count.

Oh damn! Looks like Colton got eliminated! Guess you don't have to worry about what happens in the fantasy suite dude. 

There's three dudes left which hopefully means I get to be free of this show very soon.

And if you're still in the mood for more laughs I included Jimmy Kimmel's reactions to all of this episode's shenanigans. 

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