Curtis' Bachelorette Recap: Week 5

Ok here we go. First of all this week's recap is brought to you by Modelo Negra. (Well not officially but that's what I'm drinking so we're rolling with it.)

Right off the bat, the guys and Becca are in Vegas now so let's see what type of manufactured drama happens here.

They're talking about something called a two-on-one and I don't know what that is but my first guess would be something really naughty so I'm guessing that's not it. 

Hold the hell up! They go to Vegas and the first date she got the dude going on is out in the desert riding camels? What even is this show?

I'm realizing that I don't have a nickname for Colton, I gotta work on that. 

Chicken Suit and Model Douche are still doing this bickering sexual tension thing and I just want to say that they aren't fooling anyone. Like y'all need to just leave the show and start dating already. Don't nobody care. Y'all don't have to aggressively flirt like this on TV. It's embarrassing. 

Becca and Colton are making out in a hot tub in the middle of the desert so I guess that means I gotta drink.

Cornball Colton is telling his sob story so he's probably about to get some more make out time. Sob stories tend to turn Becca on from what I've seen.

Yep! There it go. I totally called that! I'm getting good at this show. 

Ol' Cornball Colton just got himself an early rose by being super corny and agreeable. Good for you Cornball! 

What in the hell is Wills wearing? This man is wearing a flowery matching short suit. I cannot. I'm drinking just because I had to see that atrociousness. Wow!

Wayne Newton showed up and his face can no longer make expressions. I'm pretty frightened, I'm not going to lie.

Chicken Suit is asking Model Douche about what sort of "underpants" he's going to be wearing so...yeah.  

The rest of the guys have been instructed by Wayne Newton to write a love song and I feel like I've already seen this challenge before.

Leo aka Hair is out here singing to a horse. Lawd!

The guys have to go sing the songs that they wrote for Becca in front of a live audience. LOL. That suuuuucks!

Am I really going to be forced to hear all of these awful songs?  Why has god forsaken me?

How are there 9 dudes and not one of them can hold a tune? 

Finally, it's commercial time. I've never been more thankful for a commercial break in my life! There is not enough booze in the world for me to get over that trauma.

Whoop, Becca is kissing ol whatshisface. I gotta drink now!

I feel like Blake, Colton, and Garret are all the same person. I have a tough time telling them apart. Is that racist?

Aaaaand Boring Blake is getting his makeout time. Time for another drink and I'm officially buzzy. Oh boy, this isn't going to go well. There's still a whole hour left.

Ooooo Boring Blake got an early rose and Chris is hella mad. Here comes the dramas.

Chicken Suit and Model Douche are on their way to their two-on-one date with Becca. This should be entertaining.

This date is making me yawn heavily. She honestly needs to get rid of both of them but I like Model Douche around just because he says ridiculous things. 

Chicken Suit and Model Douche are argue-flirting again and I'm honestly over it! *groan*

Ooooo! Becca just told Chicken Suit to go home. That was cold blooded! She left homeboy to sulk by a bed in a desert. That's craaaazy!

Model Douche really just did the Blue Steel look from Zoolander on a date. This is the woooorst!

Oh snap! She got rid of Model Douche too! Ok Becca, I see you!

The other guys in the house are crazy happy that Model Douche is gone. They're all acting like they just heard that Outkast is getting back together. That's how excited they are.

Yo, this man Chris just told Becca that she owes him 50,000 kisses. Dude, what!? This man is bonkers. Now Becca is calling Chris out for throwing a hissy fit the day before. Oooo put your foot in that ass Becca!

Chris just tried to interrupt Wills' one on one time and that was rough! Super awkward. I'm not gonna lie though. I'm a fan of this drama.

OMG all of these guys are bickering and it is not a good look. This dude Chris is a wee bit too sensitive to be on these Bachelorette streets! 

Ugh! My buzz is wearing off, is this thing almost done? Ok good it's rose ceremony time. Let's get rid of some more dead weight!

LOL! I think my favorite part is when they get down to one rose and host of the show comes out to announce that this is the final rose of the night like these nervous dudes can't count. 

Damn! She kept Cry Baby Chris around which means that um...John I think his name is? Just got eliminated. I didn't even know him well enough to consider a nickname for him so I don't blame her.

Ok see y'all next week! I gotta go to bed and de-stress cus that episode was A LOT!

We're going to end this blog with Model Douche's last words as he's being eliminated because I'm going to miss his dumbness. 

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