Curtis' Bachelorette Recap: Week 4

Ok let's start this nonsense! Tonight I'm trying to drink while watching this so we'll see how this goes. Currently sipping on Patron and Pineapple Juice.


Boring Blake and Becca start the episode by talking about how many kids they want. I already want to barf. 

LMAO Model Douche just said "I talk to god every day and people who go against me end up hurt sometimes." How do you show that you're even more of a douche than people think you are? You say stuff like that! 


Becca just gave Model Douche a pair of gold booty shorts? Like why though? He's very excited to have them though.

Uh oh Chicken Suit just arrived back in the house after dramatically falling out of his bunk bed. SMH. He now  has a black eye and a story of bravery to tell about how the bunk bed couldn't take him out! It's a story he'll be able to tell his grandkids for years to come.


Chicken Suit just got an early rose for getting beat up by a bed. I guess that's hot to women now. I'll keep that in mind. 


Model Douche is soooooo mad about this turn of events. 


It's elimination time and there's still like a bajillion dudes. How have I watched 6 hours of this show already and there's still all these dudes in the house? They need to speed this mess along. Ain't nobody got time for this!


Ok so two guys I didn't even know were on this show the whole time just got eliminated, including a guy who if I would've noticed that he existed, I would've named him Man Bun Dumb Dumb.


Becca just announced that everyone in the house will now be taking a trip to Park City, Utah and these guys are acting like they're about to go somewhere actually cool like Hawaii or something.


Ok so last week in the news there was the story about how Lincoln aka Wack Panther is a convicted criminal and now his crazy ass is on this show talking about the Earth is flat. Why are we wasting time with this idiot again???


OK so now Becca is on a one on one date with this Garret guy and now they're about to go bobsledding. If it's not Cool Runnings then I don't really care about bobsledding so I think I'm about to tune out here for a second. *chugs drink to cope*


Becca just kissed Garret! Everybody drink!!!!


OMG! I'm only 40 minutes into this? I feel like this episode has been on for at least an hour and change. Why is this happening to me???


Uh oh! Becca is asking Garret about his exes. Nope! Abort this mission G. This ain't gonna work out for you. 


Garrett just dropped the bombshell that he used to be married and of course Becca is doing that thing where he told her the truth to the question that SHE asked and now she's mad about the answer she got. 


And look at that Garret just sobbed storied his way into an early rose.


Becca and Garret just walked into a random establishment and theres a random concert happening and they danced in front of the stage. What in the hell is even happening right now? 


Becca is making the rest of the plebians...I mean guys, go on a group date where they have to do lumberjacking which is apparently a sport? When did that happen?



The male Lumberjack coach look like he came straight off of a package of paper towels.


This guy John who I didn't even know was in the house just made an impression by winning the Lumberjack contest or whatever. Dude is so plain that I can't even figure out a nickname for him.


They just did a closeup of Becca and this one dude Jason with the slickback hair kissing each other and it was hella gross. His lips were all greasy and junk. This is nasty.


Damn Becca is kissing everyone right now what the hell? I'd be like girl you gotta holla at some Listerine before you come to me with that nonsense.


Model Douche just did a two step in the golden draws that Becca got him and now the other dudes are mad.


Cologne Conessuier just told Becca that he's falling in love with her and she is not feeling it at all. Damn! This is rough. 


Ooooo it seems like she's about to cut homeboy lose! Oh snap she just said "can I walk you out?" I feel embarrassed for this guy. And now he's refusing to be dumped. Yikes!


OMG this one on one date between Becca and Wills is sooo boring! *yawn* And what's up with the name Wills anyway? Are there more than one of him? Is he a clone???



Ugh! All of these guys have the same sob story. We get it already, you've had breakups. That's sooooo unique. 


It's starting to seem like all you need to do to get a rose is just say that you've been dumped before. 


There's no cocktail party before the rose ceremony this time and I guess that's like a big deal or something because everyone is freaking out. I'm just thankful that I don't have to watch that extra bit of nonsense.


Becca lookin good in that Adams Family dress though! 


Eeeew. She's still keeping Wack Panther around. Laaaame!


Oh snap! She gave the last rose to model douche. These other guys are super upset. I'm sad to see the Harlem Globetrotter dude have to leave. That kinda sucks.

Well that's all she wrote! 


Here's a video of all of the guys getting mad at Model Douche for wearing gold underdraws because I find it entertaining. 


 

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