Ok! Time to start this nonsense!
My first concern is how am I supposed to recognize chicken guy if he's not going to wear the chicken suit the whole time? Psssh! This is wack!
What the hell is a date card? I'm confused, that sounds like some Eyes Wide Shut type stuff!
Ok so these guys are all in the room getting fitted for tuxes or whatever and Becca is in the middle acting all flustered when the guys start changing, like she can't leave the room. Don't try this bashful mess Becca. Embrace your thirst, girl!
LMAO, model douche is already model douching hard!!! He's giving Becca confidence advice.
Hold up, they made these guys get all dressed up so they can go through an obstacle course in the mud??? I know I don't date often but I've never gone on any dates like that before. Have times drastically changed and no one let me know?
The previous bachelorette just said the phrase "what that mouth do?" and I'm clutching my pearls because I didn't know that ABC allowed such naughty talk on their shows.
If a girl said that I needed to do all of this damn running in order to date her I'd tell her she got the wrong man! Like, where's the beer chugging challenge?
ALSO, who in the hell comes up with a weird game like this anyway? There are people who really get paid to say "oh this season on the show we'll make the guys run through mud in tuxedos?" I kind of want that job now that I'm thinking about it...
So this Lincoln guy wins the challenge and he's talking a LOT of smack. These guys are hating on him 100%
Damn this girl is already kissing people?
"Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus..." whoever wrote this guy's script needs to be fired. He's corny af!
Whoop! There's about to be drama because Lincoln aka Bootleg Black Panther just put the picture of him and Becca in the middle of the table.
Someone just threw the photo and they added the fakest sounding glass breaking sound to make it sound more dramatic. I can't!!!
Wait...is this another 2 hour episode????? Stop playing with me! Is this thing always 2 hours???? I'm not going to make it y'all!
Aaaaand now Becca's kissing Cologne Dude.
And now Bootleg Black Panther is snitching on the guy who threw his picture. This is so dramatic. Come on bro! You're snitching? Wakanda ain't teach you to act like this.
This man is crying over this damn picture? For real? Bruhhhh. Can we vote Bootleg Black Panther off this show?
So this one guy Blake is getting an individual date while every one else had to go on a lame group date? I don't understand these rules.
Hold up wait...where in the hell did Lil Jon come from? This show was clearly made by people on drugs. What is even going on right now?
So this date consisted of Becca and this dude Blake smashing all sorts of old things involved with Becca's ex while Lil Jon yelled in the background. I'm going to lie, I'm so close to tapping out right now because this is a biiiit much.
And now Becca is kissing this Blake guy...Is the kissing a requirement or...?
They're doing a dodgeball date now...once again I must ask what this has to do with anything???
They brought Fred Willard on for this part and omg I didn't realize that he'd gotten so old.
This one dude in the flower jacket just got emotional because his parents have been married for a long time or some junk like that and it got him a kiss. She be kissing everybody and it's only the second episode!
What in the hell is up with this dude who just snitched on himself because he had a weekend with one of Becca's friends? He's clearly too dumb to be on this show.
This shy football player guy seems like the most non-fake guy on this show so far.
Aaaaand he got a kiss...because of course he did.
Wait wait wait...model douche just stripped down to his draws for seemingly no reason. What is this fool doing?
This man just said "I like to speed"....I can't. Keep model douche around at all costs! He's lame but he's a disruptive force that keeps me from falling asleep.
This man is sitting on the couch in his draws with some oxford's on his feet. bahahahaha. This man cray.
Ok so model douche interrupted chicken guy's date with his nudity routine, and now chicken guy is mad but I'm not sure chicken guy has the moral high ground here seeing as how he showed up in a chicken suit.
Ok it's rose ceremony time and she's out here giving roses to people who ain't even have any screen time. The hell???
She let model douche stay!!! Yaaaay!
There's too much damn crying over stuff that don't matter, on this show for my liking.
Ok y'all that's it! I made it through another episode but the lord was definitely testing me with this one.
Here's the preview for the next episode. See y'all there!